Daughters dating a black
It’s heartening to see that you understand this as a personally painful but acceptable outcome—ultimately, it’s for the best that Anita does not feel financially pressured into giving up a child that she wants to parent.
You don’t say, however, that she is in danger of a medical or housing crisis without your support—just that she will not be able to afford “the same level of care” without your continued assistance.
If your goal is simply to communicate that you two aren’t on friendly terms, you can say something like, “We went through a difficult divorce, and it’s better for the two of us not to socialize.” You may have to smile and nod at some of the same work events, but at least you can let your friends know that you’re not so friendly you’d like to be invited to the same dinner party.
But if you’re feeling a desire to share the truth of your abusive marriage with some of your friends, then I think you can go into greater detail about why you left, to whatever extent you feel comfortable with.
If you cannot afford it, and if you believe it will not put either of them in harm’s way, your best option may be to encourage her to seek resources from the financial assistance center at the hospital where she plans to give birth.It is important to talk to your daughter about the racist disparities in traffic stops as a white woman who lives in America and is presumably invested in interrogating and dismantling white supremacy both in herself and in the world around her, not only because her boyfriend is black.The goal of this conversation should not be “how to make sure my daughter is never made to see or experience racism due to her proximity to blackness.” Read this article about the racist history of traffic stops together, and talk about the information you read there.Thanks for listening.” Implicit in your question seems to be a fear that by acknowledging your ex-husband’s abuse, you’ll either be flagged as someone who violates professional and social etiquette, or be thought of as a “downer.” I don’t think that’s the case.You’re not obligated to keep silent, or pretend that you two parted amicably, just because he works in your field, or because you haven’t talked about it before.It is worth having, regardless of whom your daughter is dating, and I’m glad you’re prepared to start now.Dear Prudence, My husband and I have been preparing to adopt a baby from “Anita” for six months.Talk about the history of sundown towns in the state of Illinois and how they contributed to the existence and concentrated wealth of your “mainly white” Chicago suburb.Tell her how you would like her to handle being pulled over, and also talk about how “acting compliant” is a course of action that’s most likely to benefit someone already privileged, and that “resisting arrest” or “failure to comply” is often used as after-the-fact justifications of police violence.Nobody has any idea how bad the abuse was, or why we divorced, and I still have to see my ex on occasion.My question is: How do I address my divorce circumstances politely, without burdening my new connections with a heavy dose of emotional content?