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You thought you would fly but you sink and the only way you will survive is if you intuit that you must be still until the universe begins to solidify around you once again. The goal of divorce should not be to be with someone else. And that, as you know, is a task only for the very bravest of heart.
It takes stamina, fortitude, faith, trust, belief and not a small measure of complete insanity.
Anytime I have too much time is bad for me but the weekends are the worst. Not only is he still here but we are still sleeping in the same bed. How are we going to manage "together" things like the Back-To-School Nights? People will feel awkward and unintentionally, quite naturally, choose "sides". I remember the feeling well from the death of my mother and, more recently, the death of my Uncle.
These are the days when I have no idea what to expect. Who do I have to turn to when every_single_person is married and with family. It reminds me of a post I read from Big Little Wolf's Daily Plate of Crazy titled "Which is Worse - Death or Divorce". Citing from Rabbi David Wolpe’s post, from his own former wife Eileen’s words to a friend: Divorce is a hard path, a long, circuitous journey that is not something you can control…and your married friends look at you like you have leprosy.
It takes two to make a relationship but only one to break it apart. You cannot leave a marriage without doing violence to all those things, no matter how amicable the divorce. I feel like an ass for writing posts like this and this. I am 41 and I've been with this man for 20 years - half my life. What he is REALLY DOING is trying to INFLUENCE you and MANIPULATE your mind.He acts like he cares about your cause or a particular cause when he is just trying to manipulate or solicit money too. I have so much proof of all of this and have told many Jewish leaders and organizations to get him off the internet and get him the help he needs but they are all as sick as he is obviously because they do not care and also keep promoting their secret policy of parental alienation.I know this because I was the one who broke us 10 years ago. I was fortunate enough to realize my mistake and most fortunate for my husband to forgive me - except he never really did and that is the crux of the issue. Trying to figure out what this will mean for my sons - one a junior in high school, one in 8th grade and one in 2nd grade. And the truth in that has broken my heart into a million pieces - destruction of together-dreams, forever-dreams, family-dreams, love-dreams... I thought that because we made it through that mess we would always be solid. A fight was just a fight; a disagreement just that - not the end of the world and, for sure, nothing to end our our marriage They were opportunities to practice arguing, practice saying I'm sorry and, well, just arguments. I spend my commute days wiping away tears and choking back the vomit I feel in the pit of my stomach. Trying to figure out how I can best manage this situation. How am I going to be able to afford to live in this same affluent town to keep my kids in the only school district they've ever known? I am grieving and it is the worst grief I've ever experienced. Unfortunately, as anyone who has dealt with grief understands, it's just a hole in your heart that no one can help heal. No matter how many people I have around me, this is mine to deal with alone. Today is the fourth day I haven't worn my wedding ring. Almost 19 years of marriage and more than that of him being my best friend and he has shut the door - just like that. the destruction of together-dreams, forever-dreams, family-dreams, love-dreams. At some point every day, usually in tears I cry to myself and wonder how did I get here? Eileen Ansel Wolpe goes on to say that divorce is: … I know my husband and when he sets his mind to do something, he typically follows through - and he is determined to leave me. The pressure can be extreme, and your married friends look at you like you have leprosy. You cannot leave a marriage without doing violence to all those things, no matter how amicable the divorce. A great big bloody butcher knife that slices through even the most connected hearts. It's why all the mythology of divorce is what it is. When you walk out the door, which may well be the bravest moment of your life, you are suddenly at sea, not on a path. And just like life's death, you are not permitted to see beyond the threshold. The earth ceases to be solid beneath your feet and you are drowning in quicksand. You cannot see what lies beyond the frame around the door that is the exit. But I have been here for the past year and I can tell you it looks nothing like it does from inside the threshold. One that holds infinite, endless gifts for the ones who are brave enough to continue on, and will eat alive those who misstep, or throw them instantly back in through a different door with a different partner. Because in order for there to be anyone else, first you have to recreate yourself. Nowadays it’s rare to hear honest and thought-provoking conversations about real issues.Society has become so politically correct that what used to be considered common sense is now condemned as “hate speech” by some.